humble beginnings
I've always been into drawing since I was little. I never thought I was any good, but everyone around me seemed to praise this little "natural talent" I had.
I grew up having this identity of artist that everyone around me branded me with.
The truth was, I always was insecure about this. I truly didn't believe I was good. I experienced "imposter syndrome" since I was a kid, long before I even knew what it was.
I remember my classmates hovering around me in elementary art class watching me draw; I covered my paper with my other hand, annoyed, so they couldn't see my drawings. Whenever a teacher or anyone asked who could draw, my classmates pointed in my direction as I sank lower in my seat.
My big family always bragged about me being an 'artist'. Even though for all my childhood I felt unseen, unheard, and unfavored, at least I had being smart and good at art going for me.
In 2003, I received my first ever personal sketchbook.
If you didn't know, it was a common thing for families who lived and worked abroad to send care packages to their families back in their home in the Philippines. Often times they brought these boxes with them when they came home. We called them balikbayan boxes (homecoming boxes).
My big cousin who lived in America sent me a pink, spiral sketchbook in one of these care packages.
Never mind that the box had Toblerone. Snickers. Tresemme shampoos. Irish Spring soap bars. Canned foods. Lay's chips.
These things were gold to us; anything that came from the States, really.
Despite all these in front of me, my focus was on this new sketchbook that had my name on it. It was all mine. I could hardly believe it.
I remember looking forward to the evenings, hurrying to do my evening chores after dinner, so I could sit in the corner chair and draw in my sketchbook while my dad kneaded dough for the next day's batch of breads to be sold. While the rest of the family wound down for the day, I drew.
All pages of this sketchbook were filled in a span of a few months.
I drew mostly girls in different outfits, as well as houses. Looking back at that, it makes me smile. Kids tend to draw their dreams, and I definitely dreamed about cute outfits and beautiful houses for my family.
For the years after that, I dabbled in art here and there, all the way up until we came to America, and sometimes completely neglecting it while I got swept up by responsibilities as I grew older.
'big girl' career
When I joined the Air Force at 26 years old in 2018, I decided that this was it. This was to be my career until retirement. I only saw a 20-year stretch ahead of me and nothing else. I was so thrilled. There was much adventure ahead.
Up until this point, I'd gone and dropped out of college, worked different jobs, and spent only about 10% of my time and attention to drawing and painting. It was a hobby and nothing more.
When I joined the military, I was single and had my whole life ahead of me. Nothing held me back- I was free.
Unexpectedly, after over a year in training, I got married to my husband whom I met in training, bought our first house together, adopted two dogs from the shelter, and was expecting our first kid.
So many life changes so quickly.
I showed up to my first duty station all ready to start my new career. I had made it. I was set. I was doing something greater than myself. I was ready to start my life in the "real" Air Force, far from my old life, far from my past mistakes and failures.
Then the pandemic happened.
Because I was considered "high risk" due to the pregnancy, I wasn't able to show up to work for months.
light in the darkness
I always feel guilty saying this when talking about 2020, because I know that for so many it was a hell year. Many lost their jobs, many struggled financially and mentally, lost loved ones, suffered physically due to the effects of the virus on the body.
I can't help but be grateful and humbled that we had been "prepared" for what was to come in 2020. For the first time in my life, I was making a stable, decent income along with my husband.
Together, we managed to stay comfortable financially with our new careers in the military- still able to afford our brand new mortgage, feed and care for our newly adopted senior dogs, keep food in the fridge, and take care of my health and the additional life I was growing inside.
I will never forget the feeling of gratitude from that year.
unexpected discoveries
Perhaps the best part of 2020 for me was re-discovering my love for art.
When we were first looking at houses at the end of 2019 and beginning of 2020, my husband made sure there was a spare bedroom to turn into my "art room".
This is so funny to me when I look back now, because I wasn't as serious about my art then; maybe I'd shown my husband a couple sketchbooks before, but that was it. So I just shrugged "sure" at his suggestion.
But to him, it was a non-negotiable during our house-hunting.
So when I found out we weren't coming into work for who-knew-how-long, I opened the door to this untouched room with my hands on my hips, looked around, and began organizing.
my first art studio in our own house
This unlocked a whole new world for me.
In this room, I learned painting again- just started small first. I created a new Instagram account to document the journey. I met many artists online, quickly becoming friends with them though I never met them in person, joining art challenges left and right.
After several inquiries whether my (amateur) paintings were for sale, I became curious. I began learning about starting a small business. I read books, listened to podcasts, watched YouTube videos, asked for advice.
In September of 2020, I launched my small Etsy store.
The store started off with a bang: my family and friends gave me a boost right at launch. I'm so grateful for them. Because of their support from the beginning, my store began being pushed out to many people around the world.
I processed orders immediately, presented my packaging very thoughtfully and more personalized. I genuinely loved creating art, but packaging and presenting them to the buyers to make it feel like they were opening a present became an obsession.
I loved making people happy, and it was returned with genuine reviews.
'business as usual' and burnout
When things started to open back up in 2021, so did my husband and I went back to work. Even while doing my job in the Air Force for the next few years, I still managed to incorporate art into my professional and personal life.
I participated in art shows at my unit Art Guild, and even became its Vice President during my 4th year into my career. I also participated in local art shows in the city. I continued to paint on the weekends.
getting to make art while serving felt fulfilling
Eventually, in 2022, it felt like I was coming down from the peak of the mountain. Sales have slowed and I realized I was too focused on the wrong things.
I felt exhausted by it all. Without a word, I took a 2-year break from art.
destiny
By the sixth year in my Air Force career, I started considering different life directions, far from my initial plan to serve for 20 years.
I had no idea what was in store, but in 2024, after much thinking, gut-feeling, and not a whole lot of planning, I decided to separate from active duty and join the reserves.
I felt so strongly to make a come-back to art again.
There was a big adjustment period. Imposter syndrome snuck its way back in. Who was I to be a "full-time artist"?
I had to deal with self-worth again, with feeling lost and not knowing who I was. The harder I tried to believe that I hadn't made the uniform my identity for the past 7 years, the more it started to feel like maybe I did. The loss of a "team" hit me hard, and found myself alone again for the first time in 7 years.
I had to do a lot of introspection, and eventually decided I didn't want to wallow in self-pity anymore.
I purchased an intensive art mastery program through the Milan Art Institute, where I went back to the basics of traditional art. Learned different painting techniques and media. Discovered my temperament and archetype. I painted a lot.
I learned to hone in on what matters most to me, and to leverage that in my work until I found my artistic voice.
And now, here I am. More confident in my work, at peace and joyful in what I do.
Sometimes I have to sit back and express my gratitude for where I am in life now. What used to take the back burner, what used to get neglected often, has found its way back to me over and over again. This time for good.
I didn't really "re-discover" my love for art. No, it never left.
Making art was always going to be my destiny.