I can't tell you how many times I've typed up a bunch of words on here only to hit select-all and delete. Over the past couple of weeks I've wondered what this letter would contain. I knew I wanted it to be different. More real.
There is so much I could--want to--talk about, but each time I would sleep on it, I'd wake up the next day retreating to my comfort zone.
There's a voice that says, "Why don't you talk about things that actually matter? Why do you write at all? No one cares about what you're currently painting. No one wants to read about your goals and achievements while everyone is struggling with something in their life. Just stop talking."
She can be a mean one, my inner critic.
We all have that voice inside of us that constantly questions our worth and berates our efforts. Unfortunately, we've probably been listening to this voice our whole life that we've started to believe it's the truth.
The Real Truth
I've learned though that my inner critic isn't inherently nasty. She only wants to keep me safe. She wants me to stay in the familiar because it protects me from things like shame, being seen, or getting hurt.
I've learned to pay attention to this voice. I recognize her when I start to feel like crap about myself. She becomes especially louder the bigger the risk I take. It's hard work, but when she speaks I try to separate her from who I actually am. Now when she shows up, I kindly thank her for her concerns, and say I've got it from here.
When we picture our inner critic as a separate "person", it becomes easier to decide to not take their opinion. They are not who we are. Their voice isn’t ours.
The Inner Mentor
I am currently reading the book "Playing Big" by Tara Mohr where she talks about the inner critic's nemesis: the inner mentor.
Tara guides you through a visualization exercise where you go to meet yourself 20 years into the future. What does she look like? Where does she live? What does her presence feel like?
Then you ask her a series of questions. What do I need to know to get from where I am to where you are?
When your inner critic's voice inevitably shows up (because it always will), you can kindly say, "I understand your concerns. Thank you for trying to protect me. I've got it from here."
Then, you access a wiser voice. What would your higher self, your future self, your "inner mentor", do in this situation? What would she say? How would she show up and carry herself? How would she approach this problem? You'll know it's her voice when it's calm, grounded, kind, confident, constructive. The inner critic is panicky, critical, harsh, fearful, mean.
The next time you doubt a decision, say you don't deserve anything good, or feel like you have failed, it might be the voice of your inner critic that is speaking so loud it’s drowning out the voice of truth.
Remember that you can turn down the volume of the inner critic so you can hear that of your inner mentor to help guide your next steps. What would the wiser version of you say in this moment? It could be: "My decision is sound and it is the best one for me. I deserve the good things life has to offer. My 'failures' are guidance disguised as misdirections and delays. I am right where I need to be."
From now on, when that inner critic whispers in your ear, tell them, "Thanks, I've got it from here." Then you start to embody your higher self by making your decisions based on theirs and showing up how they would.