A Moment of Reflection: The Truth Behind My Paintings

I'm sitting here at the airport, tapping my thumb beside the delete key, contemplating whether I should press it again.

For the last month or so now, I've had in my draft folder a blog post entitled, "Year 2025 In Review".

For the life of me, I could not finish that entry. Each time I tried to sit down and write, I found myself selecting-all, hitting delete, and starting over.

Now, sitting here at 6 in the morning, a bit sleepy with no caffeine in my system yet, it made me realize that I was only forcing myself to do what everybody else seemed to be doing around the end of the year.

But I felt excited to join in because for the first time in my art career, I actually had something to write about. To be excited to look back at the year and what success looked like for the past 12 months.

I could spout out numbers and analytics all I want, yes percentages increased by the thousands or hundreds all across the board, and the dopamine hit from seeing all the green "up" arrows everywhere on my metrics reports was at an all-time high.

But it didn't really sit well with me.

Listing accomplishments, no matter how much they reflect how dedicated I was to achieving them (because don't get me wrong--I am so proud!), didn't feel like it summarized the real success that I achieved in 2025.

And sitting here today, it hit me: art brings healing into my life.

I want to share with you why I paint instead

To you, it may just look like pretty pictures on a canvas. And honestly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I appreciate when loving eyes admire art on the surface.

But what you may not realize is that before that canvas ever hits the website listing, the social media pages, the walls of a gallery, or your hands, it has first fulfilled its purpose in my life.

After painting as much as I did in 2025, it became clear to me that every time I worked on a piece, I've been brought closer and closer to who I'm meant to be.

With every long focused hours with a paint brush, I am in deep meditative state.

Every thought that passes, I notice.

I reflect. I pay attention to which words and whose voice enter my mind, and how my body responds.

I then interrogate these responses.

Do these voices matter? Should they hold power over me? If so, why? 

If the answer is no, I gently release them.

Each release leaves me feeling lighter and lighter. More at peace.

Piece by piece, layer by layer, all these protective walls I've built up are coming down, until I'm face to face with that girl I've hid to protect for so long.

Some may say I've changed, but what if I'm only coming back to my truest self?

Somewhere along the way a new thought comes through, and as though it passes through from my mind, to my fingers, to the paint brush, and finally onto the image being laid on the canvas, I have my aha moment.

Suddenly this piece in front of me now has its meaning, its title, its purpose.

Painting is a spiritual practice

To me, painting is absolutely a spiritual practice.

It's where I get deep into myself, very raw and brutally honest.

Through painting I get into the crevices of my thoughts, where I sometimes weep for the child I once was, and where I meet my highest self.

Everything isn't always as it seems

Of course I eventually finish a piece with the final touch of my signature, followed by a sad sigh, a brush of the back of my hand on my forehead, a drop of my shoulders. 

I give a slight nod, as if to bid farewell to yet another friend.

I finally and proudly share my finished piece with the rest of the world, energy bursting, as if you could see the biggest smile on my face as I type my words.

But in reality, it is the journey before the finished product that quietly matters more to me. 

Sometimes I don't talk too much about a piece, and the feelings I felt and reflections done during the process.

Sometimes it remains between me and the painting alone.

You may even have one of those pieces hanging on your wall.

Art heals

You often hear me say that I believe each painting finds the one it's meant for. 

If you've ever looked at a painting and felt emotional, or felt something that you can't explain, only that you need to have it, my friend, I don't think that's coincidental.

I think that whatever energy was poured into that piece that brought healing to the artist, is now being extended to you by a gentle, intelligent force, because you need it in some way.

You may realize it, you may not.

You may also think I've got some loose screws in the head, or that this is too woo, that's okay.

But I'd like to believe that what I do actually contributes to the collective healing, even when I'm only a speck of dust in the entire universe.

Well, anywho. How's that for the first blog post of 2026?

So tell me, have you ever felt pulled by certain art pieces? Do you think it has a connection to your present circumstances? Let me know what you think in the comments!