The process for this painting was quite comprehensive. I started out with laying down collage papers with gel gloss, including handwritten words on paper of whatever came to me at the moment. At that point I had no idea what subject I was painting- I only knew I needed to feel my feelings and let my intuition guide me. Once satisfied with my collage placements and the gel gloss has dried, I then made my sketch.
I felt drawn to paint a beautiful portrait of a woman, so I sketched her out. Then came the peonies and bird. After sketching with a pencil, I sprayed with a fixative. The colors that spoke to me were purple and yellow.
I started with a light wash of both colors, spraying with water to get lots of drips. I then started glazing with transparent acrylic paint, then opaques. I added marks using acrylic paint pens, China markers, and Caran d'Ache (just fancy water soluble crayons basically).
I then finished it with my grand finale, oils.
I hope all this talk didn't bore you, but I wanted to take you along the process with me, because it was a totally unique one.
Never have I painted without a concrete plan until now. I had never incorporated collage in any of my work before. It was purely intuitive and yet it produced my most favorite work to date.
You see, prior to this painting I was near a breaking point. I painted a piece that I was so proud of, and it wasn't only I who loved it, but many of you did! But then my perfectionism got the best of me and compelled me that it wasn't good enough. It pointed out everything that was wrong with it and, even worse than that, everything that was wrong with me. I ended up covering the beautiful background.
After tucking it away behind my door so I won't ever have to look at it again, regret hit me hard. I thought, that's it, I'll never be able to replicate that one. I'll never be good at this thing.
So for days I did not pick up a paint brush. I couldn't even look at my easel. In hindsight, it wasn't that much of a big deal because I know one day I'll go back to it and fix it, but it really gave me such an icky feeling about my art and myself.
Yet, I willed myself to pick up my brush again, gave myself grace, and started this piece. This time, without expectations, and I really surprised myself at the end.
I once heard a beautiful analogy about breakthrough. That breakthrough is like a rubber band. You stretch it all the way until the point of almost breaking, then let go. It will catapult itself to great heights.
Just when we think we'll break, on the other side of it is our breakthrough. So, don't give up when things get difficult, rather, let it be hope that we are about to cross over the threshold to new heights.
This piece will forever hold a piece of my heart for how it truly transformed me, both as a person and as an artist.
My hope is that when you look at this painting, you can see and feel your own breakthrough coming. So, just hold on.
